PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


Last time, on [yada yada yada] the crew of the Rapidash got sucked into
the most ridiculous trial of the century, just because I don't watch
The Practice.  Lots of people from AGNPH guest-starred, Bob got his
nuke back, Misty fucked Mewtwo again, and Sky Render got his boat
smashed (sorry!) and the Rapidash finally got back to the future!  Now,
on with the brand-new season of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


Today, special-guest-starring is Pikoo no Miko, as Vicki!  Also guest-
starring is Pikachu's wife, Pikacha, and Pikachua, who I will explain
later.  Not only that, but we have one more guest-star, and that is....
God.  And the Turkey Man!!!


Episode XIV:  Strange Incidents

PokŽdate:  30801.12

Location:  The Magoneeg cluster

The Scene:  The Bridge

(Charmander's doing his job along with the rest of the bridge crew, and
Pikachu is watching TV on the viewscreen.)

Commercial:  Nine out of ten dentists agree the other guy doesn't
                appreciate a good blowjob.
Commercial:  When you're feeling...not so fresh, stay the hell away
                from me.
Commercial:  Your job isn't everything.  But if you don't do it,
                we'll kill you.
Commercial:  (whispering)  This woman is about to buy Cherub Down,
                which is used as an alternative for the Float spell.
                But what she doesn't know is that this is actually
                Cherub Dung, used to cure RAGING BURNING HEMORRHOIDS!!!
                Wait, did I say that out loud?

Commercial:  Elvis.  Is he really dead?  Experts say-
Elvis:  SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Commerical:  Experts say yes.

Commercial:  Stay tuned for a brand-new episode of Friends!

*click*

Pikachu:  1,912,487,947 channels, and nothing good on.
Charmander:  Hey, captain, incoming transmission from the shuttlecraft.
                They'll be docking here in ten minutes.
Pikachu:  What.......shuttlecraft?  *lightbulb*  OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

(Pikachu runs away in a panic and hides his sluts, and Charmander just
increases his opinion that his captain is insane.)

The Scene:  Misty's Quarters

Misty:  Okay, the doctor says not to stimulate your cock for at least
        two more days, or it'll cause excruciating pain.
Abra:  Great, why don't I just throw myself out an airlock.
Misty:  Listen, you rest up.  I need to take a shower.  Don't peek!!!

(Misty goes in the bathroom, undresses, and gets in the shower.  And,
of course, Abra peeks.)

Abra:  Ooooooo......AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Misty:  Didn't I tell you not to peek?!?!?!
Taco Bell Dog:  Yo queiro shower!!!!!
Misty:  FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Misty shoves a bar of soap down his throat, then he chokes to death.
Not an elaborate death, mind you, but at least he's dead.)

The Scene:  Docking Bay 3

(everyone but Pikachu, Misty, and Abra are there to greet the shuttle,
and Jenny and Joy are doing a welcoming fuck in honor of whoever the
hell is on the shuttle.  And eventually a twelve-year old human female,
a female Pikachu, and an Arcanine walk down the ramp.)

Mewtwo:  (to the fem. Pikachu)  Welcome to the Rapidash, Ms.....Uh,
         what's your name?
Pikacha:  I'm Pikacha, Pikachu's wife.

(stunned silence)

Pikacha:  I take it Pikachu never told you about me.

(really stunned silence)

Pikacha:  Well, we've been married for six years now, and I just now
          realized he's been stationed on this ship.

(unbelievably stunned silence)

Pikacha:  Would somebody say something, PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Mewtwo:  Oh, sorry, Ms.- uh, Mrs. Pikachu.  Would you like to see your
         quarters?
Pikacha:  Yes, thank you.  (Ensign Oddish walks up to her)
Oddish:  Right this way, miss.  Umm...if you're married to the captain,
         wouldn't that mean your name is Pikacha Pikachu?
Pikacha:  Shut up.

The Scene:  The Bridge, two minutes later

(everyone comes pouring onto the bridge, screaming)

All:  WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU'RE MARRIED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(unfortunately, Charmander's the only one on the bridge at the time)

Charmander:  What, huh?  I'm not married!  Wait, am I?
Ash:  Where's Pikachu?!?!
Charmander:  I don't know.  He took his sluts and ran off.  Computer,
                locate Captain Pikachu.
Computer:  Captain Pikachu is in Ten-Forward, behind the bar, drinking
           the scotch.
Mewtwo:  I see we got the computer upgraded.
Computer:  Miss Scarlet is in Astrometrics, with the rope and
           Mrs. White.
Bob:  We haven't gotten all the kinks out of it yet.
Ash:  Sounds like the computer's not the only thing with kinks in it.
Alysa:  We can try that later, right?
Ash:  Ummmmmmmmmmm.................just who would we use the rope on?
Alysa:  I'll surprise you.

The Scene:  Ten-Forward, behind the bar, with the scotch

Pikachu:  (drunkenly)  Damn bitch.....I didn't give her the best years
          of my life, and she thinks I'm not supportive...

(just then, everyone runs in, smashing everything in their path)

All:  WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU'RE MARRIED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Pikachu:  What the...?!  How the hell did you find me?
Bob:  The computer told us!
Pikachu:  (muttering)  Damn upgrade!  (normal [drunken] voice)  Look,
          it was a long time ago, and I don't want to talk about it.
Charmander:  Alright, I think we should just respect-
Pikachu:  Okay, okay, you dragged it out of me.  Six years ago I was
          only a lieutenant, and I met this girl when we were stationed
          at Earth.  We eventually married, then I made captain.
Charmander:  Wait, please tell me you didn't marry an admiral's
                daughter just to make captain.
Pikachu:  Actually, she was an admiral's daughter, and I got her to
          make me a captain.
Charmander:  (bangs his head on the bar)  There is no God.
God:  Then how do you explain Bill Clinton?

(suddenly...)

Announcer:  It's the Poetry Man!

Poetry Man:     99 bottles of dumbass on the wall,
                99 bottles of dumbass
                you take one down,
                smack it around,
                98 bottles of Ash on the wall!
Ash:  HEY!!!

(the Poetry Man leaves.  This poem brought to you by Red Forman, Inc.
BTW, you can use that poem for almost anyone!  Just replace Ash's name
name with the name of whoever you want to call a dumbass and sing the
rest as normal, and ta-da, you've got an insulting song that lasts
for 99 verses!  Try it today!)

(suddenly...again...)

Announcer:  It's the Turkey Man!!!

(the Turkey Man runs across Ten-Forward with a turkey stuck on his
hand by it's asshole.  Ouch.)

Turkey Man:  GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!!!

(He beans Pikachu with a turkey, then runs out.  And suddenly, Vicki
[Pikoo no Miko] runs in!)

Vicki:  Hey, has anyone seen a Turkey Man run through here?!?!
Pikachu:  (looks up)  Hey, Vicki!!!  (runs up and hugs her)
Vicki:  Pikachu, you horny little rodent!! (hugs him back)  How've you
        been?!
Pikachu:  (despondent)  Married.
Vicki:  I hear that!
Charmander:  (to Pikachu)  Uh, sir, you wanna introduce us?
Pikachu:  Oh, sorry.  This is Vicki, she's a friend of the family.
          She was there on my wedding day.
Charmander:  She's twelve years old.
Pikachu:  Yeah, so?  She was six on the wedding day, duh.
Charmander:  O...kay.  I just don't see how she's a friend of the
                family.
Pikachu:  Oh, she was there when my wife lost her virginity.

(some stunned silence, and some hooting)

The Scene:  Docking Bay 3, almost at the same time

We see the shuttle, still with the ramp down, and SUDDENLY, another
pikachu pokes his head out and looks around.  When he sees no one's
around, he runs down the ramp and out the door, laughing an evil laugh.

Pikachua:  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *boink*! (hit a wall)

The Scene:  The Bridge, a few minutes later

(The regular bridge crew is on the bridge, doing their jobs.  Suddenly,
Pikachua runs in)

Pikachua:  (like Captain Pikachu)  Everybody out!  I want to fuck
                in peace!!!
Bridge Crew:  Yes, sir!  (they all leave)
Pikachua:  (normal evil voice)  BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  Now I'm in control!!!

The Scene:  Engineering

(Misty is walking Abra, and Charmander and Flareon are doing their
jobs)

Charmander:  Still got sore balls?
Abra:  (weakly)  Yeah......Ooowww!!!
Misty:  I told you, stop rubbing it!  You're only making it worse!
Abra:  But it feels so nice..........
Charmander:  Weirdo.  (console beeps)  What the...?!
Flareon:  What is it?
Charmander:  Somebody's locked out the bridge controls, but the
                authorization codes are the captain's.
Misty:  So?  What's so strange about that?
Charmander:  Have you met our captain?  When was the last time he ever
                did his job?
Misty:  Umm............................................................
        ...............................................................
        ...............................................................
        ...............................................................
        .........................................................never?
Charmander:  Right.
Flareon:  Come on, he can't be that bad!
Charmander:  He got a blowjob in the middle of a space fight.
Flareon:  Damn.....
Charmander:  Wait, I'm gonna settle this once and for all.  Computer,
                locate Captain Pikachu.
Computer:  Captain Pikachu is still in Ten-Forward, still getting
                severely hammered.
Abra:  Gotta love that upgrade!  (everyone runs out)

The Scene:  Ten-Forward

(everyone is gathered around the bar, and Pikachu and Vicki are talking
at a nearby table.  After a nondeterminable period of time, Charmander,
Flareon, Misty, and Abra run in!!!!!!)

Charmander:  (points at Pikachu)  I knew it!!!
Flareon:  So what does it mean?
Pikachu:  (looks up)  Huh?  What does what mean?
Charmander:  There's a guy on the bridge using your command codes to
                take control of the ship!
Vicki:  Oh, that must be Pikachua.
Pikachu:  Ah, shit, I was hoping he wouldn't be coming.
Ash:  Wait, wait, who's Pikachua?
Vicki:  He's the guy Pikacha's married to.
Bob:  Excuse me?
Pikachu:  There was a whole problem with an Abra teleport, and I was
          somehow cloned.
Charmander:  So now.....there's two of you?
God:  Sorry about that, people, I had a temporary lapse in judgement.
Pikachu:  That's how I was able to get out of the marrage for six
          years.  I just had Pikachua take my place.
Vicki:  Yeah, but there was a slight problem...
Pikachu:  (suddenly)  HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WAS AN EVIL CLONE?!
Charmander:  Wait, you mean you're not the evil clone?
Pikachu:  What?
Charmander:  Nothing.
Vicki:  You know, he was there when Pikacha lost her virginity.
Flareon:  Do we have to hear about the captain's sexual practices?
Pikachu:  No, I didn't do it.
Mewtwo:  Then Pikachua...?
Vicki:  Nope.
Ash:  Wait, you mean you all watched Pikacha get fucked by another guy?
Pikachu:  No, she lost her virginity in the Olympics.
Misty:  Okay, now I'm interested.  How'd it happen?
Pikachu:  Believe it or not, she lost her virginity in a freak
          pole-vaulting accident.

(ever-so-slightly stunned silence)

Charmander:  I don't want to hear any more.

(suddenly...)

Ship's PA:  (Pikachua's voice)  Attention, all!  I've decided to take
                all your sluts and fuck them all myself!  Also, since
                my last psych report labeled me as crazy, we'll be
                flying into a star.  Thank you, and have a nice day.

Mewtwo:  Well, this certainly sucks.
Misty:  I don't think I like that guy.
Pikachu:  (to Vicki)  Why'd you bring him along, anyway?
Vicki:  Pikacha was starting to look at me with *that look*, and I'd
        rather fuck my Arcanine.
Mewtwo:  That aside, how are we supposed to take back the ship?

(long silence)

Bob:  Wait!  I've got an idea!!!
Ash:  Please don't tell me it involves Kangaskhans...
Bob:  It doesn't.  (to Vicki)  Okay, you fuck an Arcanine...
Abra:  Oooooo..........OOOWWWWWWW!!!  (that was some mental image!)
Vicki:  (to Bob)  Excuse me?
Bob:  You fuck an Arcanine on a video screen that trasmits to the
        bridge's viewscreen, and that'll distract Pikachua long enough
        for us to get on the bridge to kill him and retake the ship!
Pikachu:  NO FUCKING WAY YOU'RE KILLING HIM!!!  He's the only way I can
          stay on the Rapidash and be able to fuck my sluts!!!
Bob:  Okay, then how about we just get him off the bridge and back to
        Pikacha?
Pikachu:  That works.
Vicki:  You know, she's really unhappy...
Pikachu:  Fuck that, if I divorce her I'll get court-marshalled, and I
          wanna fuck my sluts, damn it!!!
Vicki:  Fine, maybe I can convince her to go back into the Olympics...

The Scene:  Level 2, near the elevator

(Mewtwo, Abra, Misty, and Flareon are in position to storm the bridge
from the left elevator, and Pikachu, Jenny, Ash, and Charmander are
ready at the right elevator.  Bob, Vicki and her Arcanine and in
position [so to speak] in front of a video screen.)

Bob:  Okay, now...umm....Ya know, I really don't know how to coordinate
        something like this.
Vicki:  Then go away.
Bob:  Okay, bye.  (leaves)
Vicki:  Good, now at least I have a little privacy.  (starts sucking
        off the Arcanine)

(Unbeknownst to her, Bob has just patched the video feed into every
moniter in the ship, not just the bridge's viewscreen, so there's a
very nice view from almost every angle.  Yum!)

Abra:  OOOOWOWOOOWOOWOOOWOWOOOOWOWOOWOWOOWOWOWOOWOWOOOOWWOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Misty:  I told you not to look!!!
Mewtwo:  Uh, look, why don't just you stay behind and take care of him?
Misty:  Yeah, I figure he'll just try to hump the wall if I don't.

(and Abra tries to hump the wall!)

Misty:  Stop that!

The Scene:  The Bridge

(Pikachua is fucking Pikachu's sluts while watching Vicki getting
fucked by the Arcanine [yippie!!!] and suddenly, the elevators open and
Mewtwo, Jenny, Ash, Pikachu, Flareon, and Charmander storm the bridge!)

Pikachua:  GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!  (shocks everyone but
           Pikachu back into the elevators)
Pikachu:  Okay, dickhead, you've gone far enough!  Now you get back to
          Pikacha and fuck her and make her happy and GIVE ME BACK MY
          SLUTS, YOU LITTLE YELLOW SHIT!!!!!!!

(And they fight!!!  Actually, Pikachu runs up to Pikachua and
bitch-slaps him, then they fight like a couple of pimps.)

The Scene:  Level 2, near the elevator

(Everyone comes tumbling out, then goes to watch Vicki getting fucked.
After a few minutes, a pikachu [I'm not saying which one] walks out of
the elevator.)

Misty:  Soooo.....which one is he?

(all of a sudden, Brock walks up to them)

Pikachu:  Hey, it's the bitch!
Brock:  STOP CALLING ME BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob:  Yep, it's the captain, all right!
Charmander:  I'll go deactivate the lockout and change our course.

(Charmander runs into the elevator and goes up to the bridge)

Pikachu:  Hey, where's Vicki?  (runs off)
Misty:  So what do we do with Pikachua?

(and at that moment, Pikacha walks in!)

Pikacha:  (sees Pikachua)  *Gasp!*  My poor baby!!!  (cuddles Pikachua)
          What did that nasty Pikachu do to you?
Pikachua:  (gurgling)  Urrrrgghhh.........
Pikacha:  Let's get you home!  (they leave)

The Scene:  Docking Bay 3

(everyone is there to see off Pikacha, Pikachua, Vicki, and her
Arcanine.)

Pikachu:  Bye!
Dr. Applby:  See ya!
Mewtwo:  Come back soon!
Abra:  Oooooo.....Arcanine sex......OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
Misty:  (exasperated)  I give up!
Bob:  Be sure to bring some Vulpix next time!
Brock:  PLEASE BRING SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ash:  Don't forget to write!
Some Guy:  John 3:16!

The Scene:  The Bridge, the next day

(Everything's back to normal, and Pikachu is watching TV again.)

Boy in commercial:  Hey, wanna get into trouble? (remember that?)
Other Boy:  Sure!
Boy in commercial:  Great!  Let's strip naked and kiss in public!

Commercial:  When you just can't get laid, call Abraham Sluts Co.
                Otherwise, you're just another virgin.
Commercial:  For those times when you just gotta fuck that ass, use
                Buttman Lube!  Buttman Lube:  We're really slick!
Commercial:  Coming up next, on Homo-Erotic Adventures...

Voice in Commercial:  Oh, Bill, take me now!
Other Voice:  It would be my pleasure, George!

*click*

Pikachu:  Okay, who's been fucking with my channel subscription?!?!?!?!

End Episode!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ta-da!  The first episode of the third season!  I just hope I can make
every episode as good as this one.  Of course, it could be that this
episode sucks.........nahhh.  Also, I'd like to dedicate this episode
to Rosie for the evil clone idea! ;)

And now, your regularly scheduled teasers for the next episode of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!

The Rapidash travels to a remote planet!
Abra tries to fuck *something*!!!
Dr. Applby discovers a secret to his family history!
The crew travels to the Old West!!! (not back in time)
Mewtwo becomes a sheriff!!!
SaraJ guest-stars!!

All this and much, much more (kinda) on the next episode of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


The Master of Eternal Darkness,

Shadow