Pokémon: The Next Pikachu!


Last episode, Ash fucked his vulpix for the first time on top of a
nuclear weapon (the fetish of the future!) The Taco Bell dog and
Sailor Moon visited, and got fucked respectively. Misty and Abra
fucked for the first time, and Pikachu went down to a planet full of
Angorian sluts, which was also in the possession of Team Rocket. Now
Team Rocket is demanding the Rapidash turn over all their Vulpix in
exchange for Pikachu's safe return. However, Bob, Ash, and Abra have
gone down to the planet in an attempt to rescue their captain from the
clutches of beautiful, horny, voluptuous...wait a minute, why the fuck
are they even bothering?


Today's guest star is Evan from AGNPH
as the lemon salesman!

(I just hope Evan will forgive me for this...)


Episode IV: The Captive Captain, Part II

Pokédate: 30603.01

Location: Angorian Prime

The Scene: The Surface

(The whole surface is one big desert, with a large mountain in the
distance. Ash, Bob, and Abra are walking toward the mountain.)

Abra: Man, this sucks! I didn't know I'd have to be walking through
a fucking desert!
Bob: Then you should've teleported us closer to the captain!
Abra: I told you, there was a sensor net around the mountain! This is
the minimum safe distance we could've arrived at.
Ash: Then stop bitching about it, shithead!
Abra: What's with you?
Ash: YOU'RE FUCKING MY WOMAN!
Abra: Hey, she's mine, now! Besides, you have a vulpix to fuck.
Ash: Yeah, but she...looks at me.
Bob: I told you, you should fuck her on...
Abra: NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR WEIRD FETISHES!
Bob: Fucking on a nuclear weapon works!
Ash: (glances at the nuclear missile on his shoulder) Please don't
mention nukes right now...

(They basically argue about that for the next three hours, then, in the
middle of the desert, they come across a street vendor...selling lemons)

Ash: What the hell?
Evan: (with an indian accent) Buy my lemons?
Bob: Uh, no thanks. Do you know how far it is to that mountain?
Evan: About three more miles. Buy my lemons?
Abra: NO THANKS, sir. Thanks for the info. (they walk off)
Evan: Buy my lemons?
Ash: NO WE DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING LEMONS!!!
Bob: Harsh!
Evan: You not want to buy my lemons...not buying my lemons makes Evan
very unhappy...
Abra: Sorry, we just aren't in the mood for lemons.
Evan: (starts throwing lemons, screaming) BUY THEM! BUY THEM!
BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM!
BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM!

(All three run away screaming. And that was Evan's guest starring
role! I'd just like to deeply and profoundly apologize to him right
now. Of course, he might just kill me for making his part so small.)

The Scene: The Infirmary of the Rapidash

(The Taco Bell dog is laying on one of the beds, and Dr. Applby is
checking his vital signs and shit.)

Taco Bell Dog: (weakly) Yo queiro pussy...
Dr. Applby: Sorry, that's what got you in here in the first place.
(pulls out a picture) Now, watch the tits!
Taco Bell Dog: YO QUEIRO TITS!!!!

The Scene: The Surface

(Ash, Bob, and Abra are all standing outside the entrance to a cave)

Ash: Holy shit, there's like, a million of them!
Bob: No, just a few dozen. Look, don't worry, we have a nuclear
weapon. They won't shoot us.
Abra: Well, hell, I'm not getting any more involved in this than I
have to. I'm going around the mountain where I'll be safe. If
you two want to get back to the ship, you can find me over
there. (Points to a rock formation to the west.)
Bob: Okay, take care.
Abra: Whatever. (walks away)

(Ash and Bob walk into the cave, and everybody immediately points their
guns at them.)

Rocket: Surrender, or die by anal rape!
Ash: (to Bob) That doesn't sound too pleasant...
Bob: They're bluffing! They're all straight. Except maybe that guy
in the pink uniform...(to Rockets) Okay, drop 'em!
Rocket: Huh?
Bob: You guys may have guns and shit, but we have a nuclear weapon!
(pats the nuke) So drop your fucking guns!

(All the Rockets drop their weapons, then kick them over to Bob.)

Bob: Good. Ash, go dispose of their weapons.
Ash: (whispering) How the fuck do I do that?
Bob: Go to the back. They should have a disintegration unit there.
Ash: O...kay.

(Ash collects the weapons and carries them across the room)

Bob: Okay, let's all just sit down and be quiet. You! (points to one
of the guys) Where's the captain?
Rocket: In the back. He's...enjoying himself.

(a female Kangaskhan walks in, carrying Pikachu)

Kangaskhan: He just stopped, boss.
Rocket: Finally!
Ash: What the hell are you talking about?
Rocket: Your captain just wore out all forty of our Angorian sluts!
Bob: Whoa, nice job, Captain!
Rocket: (takes Pikachu) This is what you came for, huh? Well,
fuck you! (pulls a gun, and points it at Pikachu's head)
Ash: What the fuck?!
Rocket: Looks like we have the upper hand again! Give up your sluts,
or else!
Bob: I don't think so! (pulls out a remote control) Put the captain
down, or I blow this thing!
Rocket: You're bluffing!
Bob: Am I? (starts punching buttons)
Rocket: Okay, okay, stop pressing the fucking buttons!

The Scene: Infirmary

Taco Bell Dog: (while on life support) Yo queiro pussy...
Dr. Applby: Dammit, stop asking for pussy! You can't fuck anymore,
dipshit! You don't even have a fucking dick!
Taco Bell Dog: Yo queiro Misty's pussy... (tries to lick the tits)
Dr. Applby: Stop watching...wait...stop licking the tits!

(Misty walks in)

Misty: So, how is he?
Dr. Applby: Well, he's three seconds from fucking divine pussy, so...
Taco Bell Dog: (to Misty) Yo queiro bitch...
Misty: DAMMIT, YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!! (pulls out a hatchet)
Dr. Applby: WAIT, STOP!!! (takes the hatchet from her) Okay, beating
the shit out of him is fine, but killing him is a little
extreme. Just let him die in peace.
Misty: Fine...

The Scene: The inside of the cave, two hours later.

(Ash and Bob are standing by the nuclear weapon, and Pikachu is still
asleep with a gun to his head.)

Ash: Wasn't that a little risky, punching in the codes? Suppose he
called your bluff?
Bob: That's no problem. It doesn't work.

(incredibly stunned silence)

Ash: (forced whisper) YOU MEAN THAT FUCKING NUKE DOESN'T EVEN WORK?!?
Bob: No, just the remote. I can still set the timer on the bomb
itself. (silence) Hey, I've got an idea!
Ash: I'm almost afraid to ask, but what the hell? What's your idea?
Bob: Okay, if we time this just right, we can grab the captain, set
off this nuke, kill those Rockets, and get out of here alive.
Ash: And just how the fuck are we gonna do that?
Bob: Well, first, you go fuck that Kangaskhan!

(slightly stunned silence)

Ash: What?
Bob: You go fuck that Kangaskhan!
Ash: Dude, how do you fuck a Kangaskhan?!?!?!
Bob: Very carefully.
Ash: Funny. Seriously, how do I fuck her? I can't even see her pussy!
Bob: Just aim between her legs. Look, once you start fucking her,
you'll distract the Rockets, then I'll slip away, grab the
captain and set the timer on the nuke, then we go back to Abra,
he teleports us back, and we win!
Ash: You do know this half-assed plan will probably get us killed?
Bob: Yeah, but I've been waiting for a month to use this thing!
Ash: Fine...(under his breath) Damn nutcase...gonna get me killed...

The Scene: Infirmary

(The Taco Bell dog is pitifully clinging to life support, and trying to
get up so he can fuck Misty.)

Taco Bell Dog: Yo...queiro...pussy...

(the EKG flatlines)

Dr. Applby: Damn...

(suddenly, the Taco Bell dog leaps up, sprouts another dick, and jumps
at Misty, hard and ready)

Misty: THAT'S IT!!! NOW YOU DIE FOR REAL!!! (pulls out a really,
really big mallet, then smacks the dog till he's literally as
flat as a pancake. The EKG moniter flatlines, and it fucking
stays flatlined.)
Dr. Applby: I lose more patients that way...

(okay, I realize that scene was completely and totally impossible in
any time-period, but this is fiction, so don't focus on the impossible)

The Scene: The Inside of the Cave

Bob: Ready?
Ash: (unenthusiastically) Ready...

(switching to narrative mode)

Ash quickly ripped off his pants, jerked off till he was hard, ran
across the room and stuck his dick in between the kangaskhan's legs.
He poked around for a few moments, then, just as the Rockets were
recovering from the shock, he found a hole, and thrust inside it. He
wasn't even sure what he was fucking, he just kept fucking it. Then
again, based on the tiny squeals of pain from the kangaskhan, he
guessed that he had found her asshole. Then again, she might just be a
virgin...or not.

Somewhere deep in the caves, Bob ran down a mineshaft with his nuke
strapped to his back. After he was sure the Rockets wouldn't have
enough time to find the nuke and disable it, he set it down on a rock,
punched in the activation codes, then ran back out to the entrance.

Back at the entrance, Ash was not having a good time, to say the least.
He kept on pounding the kangaskhan for all he was worth, but the huge
pokémon had started pounding on his head. Not only that, but all the
Rockets were laughing at him for some reason he couldn't understand.
He couldn't even cum because of the pain in his head. Finally,
mercifully, Bob ran into the room screaming at the top of his lungs,
which distracted the Rockets into staring at him and not at Ash. Ash
took the opportunity to get the hell away from the Kangaskhan, then
snatched Pikachu from one of the Rockets, then they both ran out of the
cave. Unfortunately, Ash neglected to put his pants back on.

The Scene: Ten-Forward (borrowed from you-know-where)

(There's a casket in the middle of the room and a lot of people around
the casket.)

Dr. Applby: We are gathered here to mourn the loss of one of our crew,
the name of which was known only as 'The Taco Bell Dog.'
We will deeply miss this valued member of our community,
and I'm sure Misty feels really, *really* sorry for
killing him. (hint, hint) In accordance with crewman
Dog's last wishes, I will now play an audio recording
that will continue playing for as long as this coffin
is intact.

(presses a button)

Taco Bell Dog's Voice: Yo queiro bitch!!!
Misty: (absolutely screaming her head off) DAMMIT, THAT'S IT!!!
(pulls out the biggest mallet ever, and proceeds to destroy the
coffin and smash the audio player)
Taco Bell Dog's Voice: (distorted) Whoa......what a rush.......
Dr. Applby: Geez, you can't even let him rest in peace?
Misty: (sort of sorry) Well, if he didn't call me a bitch...

(Okay, I think I've just milked the last bit of comedy out of this
doomed idea...no more smashing the Taco Bell dog...unless requested, of
course!)

The Scene: Outside the cave

(Ash and Bob are running toward Abra, screaming their lungs out, and
Ash still has a hard-on and no pants. Needless to say, Abra's getting
a little frightened.)

Abra: (screaming) Aaahhh!

(Ash and Bob finally reach his position)

Ash: What?
Abra: Nothing...I thought you were coming on to me...or maybe trying
to cum ON me... (very bad joke, I know)
Ash: (looks down) Huh? What the?!?! WHERE'S MY PANTS?!?!?!
Bob: You left them back in the cave. Look, don't worry about that,
we need to get the fuck out of here, NOW!!!
Abra: Okay, grab my arm!

They all teleport back to the ship, then a few seconds later, the nuke
goes off, leveling the mountain, blowing sand everywhere, and just
missing the lemon salesman. (Evan lives on!!!)

The Scene: The Bridge of the Rapidash

(Pikachu is back in his chair, Ash still has a hard-on and no pants,
Misty is starring at his hard-on, and Admiral Mewtwo is on the
viewscreen.)

Mewtwo: Hey, guys, how's the...(sees Ash) Jesus, what the fuck is
that kid doing with no pants on?!?!

Ash: (tries to cover his dick with his hands) Sorry, sir, I seem to
have misplaced my pants.
Mewtwo: And your hormones! Look, while you're on that ship, could you
please refrain from running around naked with a hard-on? You
could put somebody's eye out!
Misty: (horny and eager) Yeah....
Ash: Hey, Misty, want to try this on for size?
Misty: Ash Ketchum, you're disgusting! (looks at Abra) Would that be
okay?
Abra: (totally uninterested) Whatever.

(Misty and Ash start fucking, and Mewtwo and Pikachu cheer them on. He
cums after a few minutes, then Misty goes back to Abra, and they start
fucking)

Mewtwo: Okay, great, now all we need to do is get Charmander laid.
Charmander: With all due respect, sir, I'd prefer to keep my mind on
my job.
Mewtwo: Okay, whatever. By the way, I'm sending a package to the ship
through Fedex, so it should reach you in about...eight days.
Oh, and don't open it! (grins an ominous grin, then the
viewscreen goes black)
Pikachu: Okay, everybody into the conference room, and I'll tell them
what happened on that planet!
Machoke: Machoke, machoke?
Pikachu: Because I was surrounded by forty Angorian sluts, that's why!

(everyone races into the conference room, and Abra and Misty roll in,
*still* fucking)

Ash: Damn it, I'm still hard!

(Ash jerks off all over the bridge, and Charmander just looks at him in
contempt, and keeps on doing his job.)

The Scene: Bob's quarters

Bob: Damn, I wish we didn't have to use that nuke... (pulls something
out of his closet) Good thing I have a spare!

End Credits Rolling!

On the next Pokémon: The Next Pikachu!

Abra falls asleep, possibly for good!
Misty and Ash may get back together!
Brock returns! (in case you didn't notice, Brock
wasn't in this episode at all)
Charmander gets laid! (FINALLY!!!)

All this and more, on the next episode of:

Pokémon: The Next Pikachu!


The Master of Eternal Darkness,

Shadow