Pokémon: The Next Pikachu!


Last time, Pikachu was captured by Team Rocket, and Ash, Bob, and Abra
went to rescue them, which resulted in a nuclear explosion. Ash fucked
a Kangaskhan for the first time, and it turns out Bob has a spare nuke
in his closet. I'm going to try to write a semi-serious story this
time, plus all the sex and bad language of all the previous episodes!


Episode V: Love at First Sight

Pokédate: 30620.19

Location: Pokéstation 309

The Scene: The Bridge

(Charmander is alone on the bridge, watching over the ship's operations.
Everyone else is on the station.)

Charmander: (heavy sigh) Damn, I wish someone else could do this
fucking job...

Computer Console: Three pokémon and two humans requesting permission
to board.
Charmander: Purpose for boarding?
Computer Console: Humans requesting passage to Malona IV. One Goldeen
requesting transfer from the U.P.S. Gengar, one
Hitmonlee scheduled to upgrade and make repairs on
the main computer, and one female Flareon.
Charmander: Purpose?
Computer Console: Unknown.
Charmander: Hmm. Maybe I'd better go figure out what she wants.

The Scene: The Loading/Unloading Zone

Computer Voice: The red zone is for the loading and unloading of cargo
only. The blue zone is for the loading and unloading
of passengers only. The plaid zone is for the fucking
and ass-fucking of pokémon only.

(there are two humans carrying luggage onto the ship, one Hitmonlee
that isn't wearing any gloves tinkering with the computer, a Goldeen
being carried onto the ship by another human in a glass tank, and a
Flareon standing around, looking lost. Pikachu is, of course, in the
plaid zone, getting laid.)

Charmander: Can I help you?
Flareon: Yes, I'm supposed to meet someone here.
Charmander: Name?
Flareon: Flareon.
Charmander: No, the name of the person you're meeting.
Flareon: Oh, the crew manifest said to look for a human named Bob.
Charmander: I'm sorry, lieutenant Bob has taken residence on the
station until the Rapidash leaves.
Flareon: Well, then, could you be his replacement?
Charmander: Excuse me?
Flareon: He said he would show me around the ship. I hope I'm not
going to be stood up.
Charmander: Well, I'm sorry, but I have duties to attend to, and...
(hesitates) On second thought, I'd be glad to show you
around. This ship practically runs itself, anyway.
Flareon: Great!

The Scene: The Infirmary on the station

(Abra is unconcious on one of the beds and Misty and Dr. Applby are
hovering over him)

Misty: Is he all right?
Dr. Appbly: I'm not sure. You sure he's never been asleep for this
long?
Misty: Positive.
Dr. Applby: How long _has_ he been asleep?
Misty: About six days.
Dr. Applby: WHAT?! HE'S BEEN ASLEEP FOR SIX FUCKING DAYS, AND YOU
DIDN'T COME TO ME SOONER?!?!?!?
Misty: Well, he fell asleep after that party six days ago. I just
thought he was sleeping off all that booze.
Dr. Applby: He *did* drink a lot, didn't he? I watched him down about
two times his total body mass, which would be damn near
impossible for anybody else.
Misty: So is he just sleeping it off?
Dr. Applby: If he is, he should've done it already.
Ash: Don't you know what's wrong with him?
Dr. Applby: Sorry, I didn't study much on Abras, but I do know he's
still alive, so we can stop worrying, at least for now.
Misty: Ash, can I talk to you in private?
Ash: Yeah, sure.

(they walk out into the hallway)

Misty: Ash...(grabs his jacket) I CAN'T FUCKING LOSE HIM!!! HE'S LIKE
THE ONLY FRIEND I HAVE HERE!!!
Ash: Misty, what about me?
Misty: Please, we haven't even talked since we got here. Brock has
been more entertaining than you.
Ash: Where the hell is Brock, anyway?
Misty: I don't know, I lost track of him at the party.

The Scene: Somewhere on the station

Brock: Where the fuck am I?
Some guy: You're in the food court.
Brock: How did I get here?
Some guy: How the fuck should I know? Hey, wait a minute, are you
Brock?
Brock: Yeah, how'd you know that?
Some guy: There was a message for you from some guy named Bob. He
wanted to tell you that he was waiting for you in the
McDonald's here.
Brock: There's a McDonald's here?
Some guy: Are you kidding? They've expanded into half the galaxy!
Brock: The future's looking a lot like McNuggets...
Some guy: Hell, Ronald McDonald is still alive and kicking!
Brock: Scary...

The Scene: McDonald's

(there's a lot of people milling about, some standing in line, some
sitting in tables, and some eating the food. Others are throwing it.
Bob is in a corner, beating up Ronald McDonald.)

Brock: Hey, Bob!
Bob: (looks up) Brock, finally! Come on over! (kicks Ronald in the
balls, then sits at a table) You know, the only good thing
about this place is that you can beat the shit out of that damn
clown. So, how have you been?
Brock: You want to know how I've been?
Bob: Sure, why not?
Brock: Well, this *is* the first time we've talked since you came on
board...well, really talked.
Bob: Yeah, that party really was a blast, wasn't it? Anyway, I wanted
to tell you that I've noticed you aren't too happy here... You
aren't getting laid at all, you can't help in the operation of
the ship, and you've really been depressed since you got here.
Brock: Well, back in the past, I was a pokémon breeder...now, there's
nothing for me to do...Not only that, I've seen just about ten
humans in all the time I've spent here, and only three of them
have been girls. I like being in the future, but I liked being
Earth a lot better.
Bob: That's what I figured. If you want, I can send you back to Earth.
Brock: Really?
Bob: There's one catch, though. Your friends might not want to join
you, so you'll be all alone. You won't have to worry about
money, or food, but you won't know anyone...You could probably
arrange to see if you still have any living relatives, and
maybe you can stay with them.
Brock: Yeah, but I probably won't see my friends again, huh?
Bob: Unless the Rapidash goes back to Earth, no. So, you see, it's a
pretty big decision.
Brock: Yeah...
Bob: Listen, you go think about it. I'll be here for another couple
hours, then I'm going back to the Rapidash.
Brock: Okay... (Brock leaves, and Bob goes back to beating up Ronald)

The Scene: Outside the food court

(Brock walks out of McDonald's, and almost bumps into...Evan!!!)

Brock: Oh, sorry!
Evan: Buy my lemons?
Brock: Huh? No thanks, not right now.
Evan: (throwing lemons, screaming) BUY MY LEMONS! BUY THEM! BUY THEM!
BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM!
BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM!

(Brock runs away screaming, and suddenly, who should appear, but...me!
Yes, that's right, I'm going to special-guest-star in my own lemon!)

Shadow: Okay, Evan, that's enough, you can't keep throwing lemons
around.
Evan: Buy my lemons?
Shadow: What?! No! Look, I'll write a nice lemon about you and Misty,
and you can fuck her. Would that be all right?
Evan: Buy my lemons?
Shadow: I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING LEMONS!!!
Evan: (throwing lemons, screaming) BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM!
BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM! BUY THEM!