PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


On the last episode of [check the top], Misty had a lot of shit happen
to her, and ultimately her and Mewtwo fucked.  Ash and Abra had a
contest of strength, stamina, and endurance (they jerked off) and the
cast of Friends made an appearance.  Now.....make way for the next
super-duper episode of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


Guest-stars?  I don't need no stinkin' guest-stars!  Truth be told, I
spent too much on special effects and I didn't have enough money to
hire guest-stars.  Luckily, MWF has volunteered to special-guest-star
for less than the normal fee!  Thanks, MWF!

*runs away as MWF chases him with his contract in hand*


Episode XII:  Back to the Past

PokŽdate:  30717.09

The Scene:  The Bridge (guess I'm back on that kick again)

(Everyone is doing their job, except for Ash and Alysa, who are having
wild hot sex, and Pikachu and his sluts, who are having some really hot
sex, and Mewtwo, Jenny, and Joy, who are having some mind-blowing sex.
Wait, what about Brock?  Oh, yeah, he's watching all this and jerking
off.  Actually, if you think about it, Charmander is the only one doing
his job.)

Pikachu:  Hey, where's Charmander?

(What the hell?  Wait a minute, let me go find him.)

The Scene:  Engineering

(Nope, not here.  Wait, there's an Oddish fucking Machoke.  Yikes.)

The Scene:  Charmander's Quarters

(Ahh, there he is, having sex with Flareon.  Now back to the bridge.)

The Scene:  The Bridge

(Suddenly, lights flash, bells whistle, and an image of a white vortex
in the middle of space appears.  Everyone stops fucking for a minute to
figure out what the hell it is.)

Mewtwo:  What the hell is that?
Pikachu:  Somebody get Charmander up here!

(a few minutes later...)

Pikachu:  So, what is it?
Charmander:  You know, if you paid a little more attention to your job,
                you wouldn't need me to identify every single celestial
                phenomenon.
Pikachu:  Celest-what?
Charmander:  Never mind.  Looks like a hole in the space-time
                continuum, if I'm not mistaken.
Pikachu:  Space what?
Charmander:  (exasperated)  How the hell did you ever make captain?
Pikachu:  That's a secret I'm taking to my grave.

The Scene:  Misty's Quarters

(Misty and Abra are fucking on her bed.  All of a sudden Misty stops
him)

Abra:  What's wrong?
Misty:  Abra, I have a confession to make...*gulp*...I cheated on you!!
Abra:  With the admiral, I know.
Misty:  Huh?!?!?!  What, who, how'd you know?
Abra:  I saw the video.
Misty:  What.....video?

(Abra gets up and puts on a video of Mewtwo fucking Misty)

Misty on Video:  Oooohhhhh, ohhhh, ohoohohohohhhhhh.....

(needless to say, Misty is ever-so-slightly ticked.)

Misty:  WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?!?!  SOMEONE'S GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        (she runs off with a mallet and a flamethrower)
Abra:  Wait, I'm still horny!  (runs after her with a hard-on and no
                                pants. Wait, pokŽmon don't wear pants.)

The Scene:  The Bridge

Charmander:  We're getting sucked into the vortex!!!
Pikachu:  Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name...
Mewtwo:  This is really not the time, okay?!?!?!?!

(suddenly, Misty runs in with the mallet and flamethrower)

Misty:  (to Mewtwo)  YOU BASTARD!!!  And to think I came eight times!!!
Mewtwo:  Again, this is not the time!!!

(suddenly...)

Announcer:  It's the Poetry Man!!!

Poetry Man:     A day at the beach
                The hot sand
                The warm breeze
                I run to the water
                A wave hits me
                I feel a draft
                I hear laughter
                My winky is out.

(the Poetry Man leaves.  BTW, that was a style of poetry called
free-style.  It doesn't have to rhyme.)

Mewtwo:  Who the hell is that guy?
Pikachu:  I don't know, but he's getting annoying.
Charmander:  Hey, were's Bob?

The Scene:  Ten-Forward

Meowth:  Come on, Bob, let me borrow your nuke!  I wanna give Meowzy a
         real good fuck!
Bob:  Sorry, I've lost too many nukes lately.  I need to hang onto the
        one I have.

(suddenly the Animaniacs run in and steal Bob's nuke)

Bob:  DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!  Why can't you damn horny monkey kids leave me
        alone?!?!?!  (runs after them)

The Scene:  The Bridge

Charmander:  OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!
Pikachu:  What, what, what?!!?!??!?!?!
Charmander:  We're getting sucked into the vortex!!!
All:  OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charmander:  I can't engage engines!!!!!
All:  OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charmander:  The ship will be torn apart!!!!!!
All:  OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charmander:  Will you stop that?  I don't want to die hearing you
                people screaming!!!!

(the ship is sucked into the vortex, and there's a big explosion, and
everything goes black.)

The Scene:  Earth Orbit, the year 1999

Charmander:  (groaning)  Uhhhhhhhh............are we alive?
Mewtwo:  Who cares, are our sluts alive?
Pikachu:  (looks at his sluts)  All present and accounted for!
Jenny & Joy:  We're here too!
Alysa:  I'm fine...
Ash:  In more ways than one!!  (he jumps her, and they have wild sex)

(the Animaniacs run in, being chased by Bob)

Bob:  Give me back my nuke!!!!!!!
Ash:  DAMMIT!!!!!!!  That ruined my *special time*!!!!!!  Why did he
        have to mention that damn nuke?!?!?!

(Alysa flashes her tits, and Ash's *special time* begins again!  Bob
swipes his nuke and swings it like a baseball and smacks the Animaniacs
right off the bridge.  They get up without a scratch, smash him with
mallets and run off.)

Mewtwo:  Okay, enough weird stuff.  Where are we?
Charmander:  In Earth orbit, but the more accurate question would be,
                *when* are we?
Mewtwo:  What'dya mean?
Charmander:  I mean, based on currect star formations, we've gone back
                in time to the year 1999!
All:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Misty:  Wait, that's great news!!!  We're home!!!  I can see my family
        again!
Charmander:  Apparently, the vortex was a wormhole that took us back to
                Earth, but the time thing I'm not sure about.
Pikachu:  Who cares, are we safe?
Charmander:  Yeah, I guess so.
Pikachu:  So let's go down to the planet!  I want to sample some sluts!
Charmander:  Wait, this is the past, we have rules about this sort of-

(Pikachu runs off whistling a tune, and is followed by everyone else.)

The Scene:  Los Angeles, Wilshire Boulevard

Charmander:  Goddamn it, why the hell does no one listen to me?

(yep, yep, everyone's here, and Pikachu's already wearing shades.
Misty and Abra are back on the ship, fucking all over the place.
Jenny, Joy, and Alysa are half-nude (life's good, ain't it?) with their
tits showing, so they're getting some stares from the guys.)

Brock:  Ohhh, man, I've got a headache.  Something about being in L.A..
Bob:  (hands him a bottle)  Here, take four of these.  You're a
         big kid.
Brock:  Okay.  (takes four pills)  Whooooa......I feel....funny........
Bob:  What?  (takes a look at bottle)  Ooops....
Brock:  What?  What?!?!  WHAT?!?!?!
Bob:  Uhh, I gave you some Viagra.
Brock:  WHAT?!?!?!?!?!  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU.....Ooooo, horny......

(Brock goes off to fuck...something, and everyone gives Bob a funny
look)

Bob:  What?  When you fuck on a nuclear weapon, sometimes you gotta
        take something to keep it up.

(Brock starts humping some woman's leg, then she smashes him with her
purse and he goes off to hump a lamp post.)

Bob:  I think this could be a problem.
Mewtwo:  Forget about him, we have bigger fish to fry.
Pikachu:  Like what?
Mewtwo:  Like finding a hotel for the night.  I don't want to go back
         to the ship.  I mean, we have a prime opportunity to study
         a past culture.
Charmander:  Damn it, this whole thing is against fucking protocol!!
Ash:  Wait a sec, how the hell can you guys talk off the ship?  I
        thought the translator only worked here.
Charmander:  Oh, we've got some miniature translators implanted in us
                that work off a feed from the translator on the ship.
Ash:  Oh.  Cool.
Mewtwo:  Whatever, let's go find a hotel.

The Scene:  1-Hour Fotoshop

Dr. Applby:  Excuse me, I was wondering if you could get some pictures
                developed for me.
Surfer Dude:  Absolutely, doctor dude!  That'll be twenty-two bucks.
Dr. Applby:  Do you take...(whips out a credit card)  PokŽmon Express?

The Scene:  The Hilton

(Mewtwo walks in, getting a lot of weird looks from everyone.  I think
it's the uniform.  Or it could be the fact that he's fingering Joy in
public.  Hmm, whatever could it be?)

Mewtwo:  (walks up to the desk)  I'd like a room.
Desk Guy:  I'm sorry, all our rooms are currently occupied.
Mewtwo:  No, they're not.
Desk Guy:  (monotone) No, they're not.
Mewtwo:  You have one suite left.
Desk Guy:  (monotone) We have one suite left.
Mewtwo:  You'll throw out whoever's in there.
Desk Guy:  (monotone) We'll throw out whoever's in there.
Mewtwo:  You like to dress up like a schoolgirl and get your ass
         spanked by Larry Miller.
Desk Guy:  (monotone) I like to dress up like a schoolgirl and get my
           ass spanked by Larry Miller.
Mewtwo:  Good.  (walks away with a key)  Up yours, Obi-wan Kenobi!
         (no offense)
Pikachu:  I gotta go find some pussy!  I'm outta here!  (runs out)

The Scene:  Somewhere in the street

(Pikachu is walking along, when a bum comes up to him)

Bum:  Do you want to buy my cheese?
Pikachu:  Excuse me?
Bum:  (holds out cheese)  Buy my cheese!  It's magic!
Pikachu:  It's a stick of string cheese.
Bum:  Yes!  It's magical!!!
Pikachu:  O...kay.
Bum:  Watch!  (licks the cheese stick, then his groin explodes)
Pikachu:  O...kay.  That'll really ruin his weekend.

(suddenly...)

Prostitute:  Hey, little mouse, wanna have a good time?
Pikachu:  You read my mind!!!

The Scene:  Room 1234 (the easiest room in the world)

Ash:  You only got us one room?
Mewtwo:  If I asked for two we'd have to pay extra, and we don't have
         all that much money.
Charmander:  Whatever, I still say we should go back to the ship.
Mewtwo:  Oh, lighten up, will ya?  (looks around)  Hey, where's my
         sluts?  (runs off to find them)
Ash:  (looks around)  Hey, where's Alysa?  (runs off to find her)
Charmander:  Why does no one listen to me?

The Scene:  The TV section of Best Buy

(Brock is talking to a pretty girl and The Matrix is playing on the
twenty-odd screens behind them.)

Girl:  So, you're a breeder.
Brock:  Yep, been breeding pokŽmon my whole life.
Girl:  How'd you like to breed me?
Brock:  (with a hard-on and a smile)  I would love to!!!

(suddenly, the pics of Brock as a tit flash on all twenty screens,
including the pics of him in the slinky lingerie with his legs spread.
They go back and forth like a slideshow, and they're appearing on all
the TV moniters in the store.)

Girl:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (runs off)
Brock:  No!  Wait!  PLEASE!!!!!!  I NEED TO FUCK SOMETHING!!!!!!!
Left Hand:  Brock, don't you love me anymore?
Brock:  Shut up!  (runs after the girl)

(Dr. Applby walks up to the TVs and checks out the screens)

Dr. Applby:  Damn, those are some good pics.

The Scene:  Wilshire

(Bob is walking down the street with his Vulpix in one arm and the nuke
in the other.  Needless to say, he's getting some weird looks.  He's
about half-way down the street when a policeman walks up to him.)

Cop:  Uh, excuse me, sir, do you need any help?
Bob:  Nope, just gotta go to the sex store to pick up some Viagra.
Cop:  O...kay.  Look, sir, do you realize what you're doing?
Bob:  Sure I realize, I'm not crazy, ya know.
Cop:  (muttering)  Well, that remains to be seen.  (normal voice) Look,
        why don't you come with me?
Bob:  Oh, do you know where the sex shop is?
Cop:  Suuuuurrreee, just walk this way...

The Scene:  Somewhere in the street (the same place that Pikachu was)

(Jenny, Joy, and Alysa are waiting for a bus on the street corner, but
unfortunately, they look like hookers.  Especially Alysa, but it isn't
intentional, I can assure you.  After a couple minutes a guy comes up
to them.)

Guy:  So, ladies, wanna show me a good time?
Jenny:  Sorry, bitch-boy, we only fuck *hung* men.
Guy:  Little cunt!

(Jenny gives him a good ass-whupping, then everyone except Bob, Brock,
Dr. Applby, and Pikachu runs up to them.)

Mewtwo:  Thank God, I thought I lost you two!!
Joy:  Wanna have make-up sex?
Mewtwo:  Later, but right now-
Ash:  (to Alysa)  Let's fuck!!!
Alysa:  Okay!  (they fuck in the bus stand)
Mewtwo:  Geez, can't that guy go three minutes without fucking
         something?  Even I have a little self-control.
Jenny:  No, you don't.  (flashes her tits)
Mewtwo:  No, ma'am!  (they start fucking)

(suddenly, a cop drags Pikachu out of the alley, and is followed by the
prostitute.  Everyone runs over to them to see what's going on.)

Mewtwo:  What the hell's going on?
Pikachu:  (frantically)  I'm being arrested for sexual harrasment!!!!!!
All:  *deadpan*
Charmander:  I think we all expected this the day he made captain.
                I know I did.

The Scene:  Across the street

MWF:  Hmmm....(holds up video camera)  Maybe I could help.....


To Be Fucking Continued!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't even know how lucky you are right now.  I was planning to end
the season with this episode, but since I didn't want to make anybody's
head explode, (and I didn't want to get into the rut of each season
being exactly six episodes,) so I'll be posting the conclusion before
I end the season and take a well-deserved break.  Anyway, on the next
and last episode of the second amazing season of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!

Charmander tries to get the ship and crew back to the future!
Brock tries out Dr. Applby's new fuck machine!!
Bob gets committed to a mental institution!!!
I finally explain what U.P.S. stands for!
I explain why Pikachu got arrested for sexual harrasment and not for
solicitation! (I think that's the charge for
                being caught with a hooker)

All this and more on the next episode of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


The Master of Eternal Darkness,

Shadow