PokŽmon: The Next Pikachu!



Has anyone noticed that, until now, no one has taken advantage of a
very lucrative franchise? Well, I was watching Star Trek: Next Gen,
and I began wondering what a ship run by pokŽmon would be like. So, I
wrote this story. For this particular segment, anything a pokŽmon says
will be translated by Ash, at least when he's in the area.

PokŽdate 30523.14

The Scene: Inside the U.P.S. Rapidash, on the bridge.

Misty: Ash, where are we?
Ash: I don't know...Hey, there's pikachu!

Pikachu: Pika pika chu pi chu pika!

Misty: What'd he say?
Ash: He said, 'you will address me as Captain Pikachu, you fucking 
human!
Misty: Such language!

Pikachu: Pika pika chu chu!
Ash: Charmander, teach this cunt a lesson! (as himself) Hey, what?!

Misty: Cunt?! I'll teach you a lesson, you little rodent! (pulls out 
a very large mallet) Take this!

(Misty smashes Pikachu into his chair and charmander fries her, then a
Machoke takes her into the elevator.)

Pikachu: Pika pika chu pikachu!
Ash: Ensign Oddish, open a channel to Admiral Mewtwo!

(the screen in front of the bridge flashes with a picture of Mewtwo in
a uniform covered with medals and stars. At the moment, he's getting
a blowjob from Vulpix.)

Pikachu: Pika pi chu?
Ash: How are you, admiral?

Mewtwo: Fine, captain.
Ash: Fine, oh wait, he can talk.

Mewtwo: Have you found the pirate ship Haunter, yet?
Pikachu: Pi pikachu.
Mewtwo: Well, then keep looking! Oh, wait one minute...

(Vulpix spits out his cock and he blows his load on the screen.

Ash: Nasty!
Mewtwo: Get that human off the bridge! And get me a tortilla!
Ash: Huh? Why does he want a tortilla?

(The screen goes black)

Pikachu: Pika pi pi pikachu. Chu pika pi pika.
Ash: Okay, human, get off the bridge. Workman Meowth, take him away!

(Meowth walks onto the bridge and takes Ash into the elevator.)

Meowth: So, how are things in the past?
Ash: Huh?
Meowth: Don't you remember? We used the tortilla-powered time portal 
to bring you from the past to here.
Ash: Why?
Meowth: I don't know, I just work here! (slashes Ash's face)

(The elevator stops, and Ash and Meowth get out and walk down a hallway)

Meowth: Okay, we have several dozen Vulpix to service any urges you may 
have, along with a collection of holo-sex programs, and...
Ash: Wait a minute, where's Brock?
Meowth: Who?

The Scene: The Time-Space-Tortilla Room

Brock: Huh? Where am I?
Vulpix: Vulpix, vulpix!
Brock: Vulpix? What are you doing here? What am *I* doing here?
Vulpix: Vulpix!

(Vulpix leaves the room and Brock follows.)

Brock: Whoa, cool decor! (A Golem walks by) Hey, is that a...
Vulpix: Vulpix! (scorches Brock's shoes, then keeps walking)

The Scene: The elevator with Misty and that Machoke

Misty: Hey, where are we going?
Machoke: Machoke!
Misty: Right, you can't talk.
Machoke: Machoke?

Misty sniffed the air and caught the scent of a strong musk. She 
looked down and saw a 10' cock sticking out from the Machoke's groin.

Misty: Whoa, that thing could put an eye out!

She wrapped her hand around it and started jerking him off, listening 
to him groan.

Misty: Does this feel good?
Machoke: Machoke...

She moved her hand along his cock faster, then took the tip in her 
mouth and starts sucking.

Machoke: Ma machoke!

The machoke pulled his cock out of her mouth and shot his load all over
her face, hair and tits. Unfortunately, Misty hadn't cum yet.

Misty: Well, you're no fun!

She looked down and saw the Machoke was still hard. She grabbed his 
shoulders and pulled herself up onto his cock. She could only fit 
about six inches inside her before it hurt, then she used his shoulders
to pump his cock. As she came all over his cock, the doors opened, 
and Brock saw just about everything.

Brock: Misty!
Misty: Brock!! (climbs off of Machoke) So, you're here too?
Brock: Yeah, the last thing I remember is drowning in the ocean around
Cinnabar island, then I was here.
Misty: Oh, yeah, me and Ash were fucking. You must've been grabbed by
a tentacool.
Brock: What?! You two were fucking while I was drowning?!
Misty: Well, *sorry!*
Vulpix: Vulpix, vulpix!

(Brock follows Vulpix and Misty follows Brock)

The Scene: The Infirmary

(It's a Star Trek infirmary with that doctor that was in PokŽmon 
Emergency. I don't remember his name, so I just call him Dr. Applby.)

Dr. Applby: Hey, vulpix, come to give me a blowjob?
Vulpix: Vulpix, vulpix.
Dr. Applby: Really? New patients?

(Brock and Misty enter)

Vulpix: Vulpix!
Dr. Applby: She says to get on the table. (to Brock) You first, 
please. (to Misty) You can probably go to the bridge.
We don't have any quarters for you, I'm afraid.

(Brock gets on the table, and Misty and Vulpix leaves.)

Dr. Applby: Let me guess, you're from the past, right?
Brock: Yeah, so?
Dr. Applby: Well, that means I have to run some tests on you, like,
for example, eye coordination. (grabs a picture)
Now, watch the tits. (moves the picture around)
Brock: Hey now! I think I'll like the future!
Dr. Applby: Yeah, well, it won't all be like this. Since you're 
from the past, you probably don't understand a word 
the pokŽmon are saying.
Brock: (still watching the tits) Yeah...
Dr. Applby: We have a universal translator on board, but it's been
so long since anyone who can't understand pokŽmon has
been on this ship, we just turned it off. I can turn 
it on again, but it might not take effect for a few 
hours. It *has* been off for a while.
Brock: (*still* watching the tits) Yeah, sure...
Dr. Applby: Stop watching the tits! (takes the picture away)

The Scene: The Bridge

Pikachu: Pika pik pi pika?
Ash: Charmander, are we in range of the pirate ship?

Charmander: Char, char!
Ash: Yes, sir.

Pikachu: Pika pi pika.
Ash: Open a channel.

(A picture of a really big Muk appears on the viewscreen, and Misty
walks onto the bridge.)

Pikachu: Pika, pikachu, pika pi pi pikachu.
Ash: So, Captain Muk, how have you been?

Muk: Mu mu muk muk mu muk mu muk!
Ash: I will destroy your vessel and lay waste to your tortillas!

Misty: WHAT IS WITH THESE POKƒMON AND TORTILLAS?!?!?!?!

(The Taco Bell dog walks onto the bridge)

Taco Bell Dog: We've gone south of the border, Chiquita!
Misty: STOP WITH THE GODDAMN SPANISH!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
Taco Bell Dog: Yo queiro loca!
Misty: (pulls out a very large mallet) Loca this, you little rat!

(The viewscreen splits into two pictures, Muk on the left and Admiral 
Mewtwo on the right.)

Mewtwo: Captain Pikachu, have you...hey, what's that girl doing? 
Looks like she's playing "whack a mole.'"

Pikachu: Pika pika pi pi pikachu.
Ash: Actually, it's more like "whack a dog."

(the Taco Bell dog jumps Misty)

Mewtwo: Hey, look at that! Now the dog's whacking her! This is 
better than a porno!
Pikachu: Pika!

Muk: Mu mu mu muk muk mu mu muk!
Ash: Surrender, or die!

Mewtwo: Hey, is that Captain Muk? Be sure to give him the finger for 
me, Pikachu.

(The viewscreen returns to normal, and Pikachu gives Muk the finger.)

Muk: Mu mu muk!
Ash: Fire the forward Grimer cannons!

Pikachu: Pika pi pika pikachu!
Ash: Fire the phasers and get me a tortilla!

(The pirate ship fires a stream of purple goo at the U.P.S. Rapidash, 
which burns right through the shields and the outer hull.)

Pikachu: Pika pi! Pika pikachu pika pika! Pi pika pika pikachu! Pi 
pika!
Ash: Return fire! Launch the Abra torpedoes! And get me my personal 
slut! I'm horny!

(A female pikachu walks onto the bridge and starts sucking Pikachu's 
cock. Soon after, Brock walks onto the bridge.)

Pikachu: Pik pika pikachu! Pi pi...pika pi pika...
Ash: Target the forward nacelles! Get the...damn, that's good...
Pikachu: Pika pikachu!
Ash: Come on, use your tongue, slut!
Brock: Pikachu, I mean, captain, shouldn't you concentrate on the 
battle?

Pikachu: Pika pi pika! Pikachu! Pika pika pi pika pi pikachu!
Ash: Shut the fuck up, bitch! Hey, Charmander! Go get all the 
Raichu's and make them blow up that ship!
Charmander: Char char!
Ash: Aye aye!

(Charmander walks off the bridge)

The Scene: Raichu loading docks

Charmander: Char, char, charmander.
Raichu's: Rai raichu.

(All the Raichu's crawl into a tube, then send a few million volts 
through a transformer. It gets rerouted to the phaser array and blasts
the pirate ship to pieces)

The Scene: The Bridge

Pikachu: Pi pikachu!
Ash: Fucking yes!
Taco Bell Dog: Yo queiro pussy!
Misty: Machoke, help me!

(Machoke gets the dog off Misty and yanks his dick off.)

Machoke: Machoke!
Taco Bell Dog: Yo queiro ouch!
Pikachu: Pika pikachu!
Ash: Sluts for everyone!
Brock: Hurray! I'm gonna get laid!

-------------------------------------------------

Well, that's the first episode of PokŽmon Trek: The Next Pikachu! For 
the next episode, expect:

More sex!
Team Rocket returns!
An automatic translation of the pokŽmon language!
More characters!
Horny aliens!
More sex!