PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


On the last [you-know-what] the U.P.S. Rapidash found a way out of the
Chaos Zone using a very special brick of cheese.  And I'm probably
going to be sued by George Hamilton for that poem.  Anyway, on
with the next episode of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


Admiral Mewtwo will be visiting the Rapidash in this episode, and since
he's normally just the guy giving the missions, he'll be getting a 
guest-starring role in this episode.  Also guest-starring will be Peco
from Breath of Fire 3, but since I don't like the little onion, you can
expect to see him maimed or killed.  Oh yeah, there might be a scene
with some characters from the show Histeria!  Okay, enough of that, on 
with the show!


Episode X:  The Onion Wars

PokŽdate:  30706.05

Location:  Sector 14 of the PokŽZone

The Scene:  Docking Bay 4

Just about everybody except for Brock and Abra are gathered in the 
docking bay waiting for Mewtwo's arrival.  Pikachu is, of course, 
getting laid in a corner of the room.  Suddenly, the docking bay doors
open, and Mewtwo's ship arrives.  All of a sudden, the Star Wars 
'empire' theme plays, and Mewtwo walks down the ramp of his shuttle 
through a wall of smoke.

Music:  Bum, bum, bum, bump ba dum, bump ba dum!
Mewtwo:  I've always wanted to do that!
Pikachu:  (stops fucking and goes to greet him)  Sir!  Welcome to the
          Rapidash, sir!
Mewtwo:  Hey, thanks, great to be here!  Meet my sluts!

(Jenny and Joy walk down the ramp with their hands on each other's 
asses.)

Pikachu:  Whoa, cool!  Can I borrow them?
Mewtwo:  What?!  No!  Hey, where's my quarters?  I wanna get some rest.
Oddish:  Right this way, sir.
Mewtwo:  Hey, you're cute!  Want to ride a 12" cock?
Oddish:  Umm...umm...

The Scene:  The Bridge, about five minutes later

(Pikachu's sitting in his chair getting a blowjob, and everyone else
is doing their job.)

Charmander:  Hey, captain, I'm detecting something weird on the fourth
                planet in the third system of the eighth sector of the
                PokŽZone.
Pikachu:  What the hell are you talking about?
Charmander:  Well, that planet is supposed to be uninhabitable, but I'm
                reading a few hundred life signs down there, most of
                them sluts.
Pikachu:  SLUTS!!!!!!!  Take us there, buddy!!!  And call Mewtwo, tell
          him what's going on.  He's gonna love this!!

The Scene:  Mewtwo's Quarters

(Jenny has handcuffed Joy's hands behind her back, and she's fucking
her in the ass with a strap-on.  Hmm....that's a nice mental image.....
Oh yeah, Mewtwo is watching them.)

Jenny:  (to Joy)  Come on, scream for me, bitch!
Mewtwo:  (to himself)  Heh heh, I love my sluts!

(suddenly, his personal viewscreen flashes with a picture of Pikachu)

Pikachu:  Hey, admiral, we just detected a planet full of sluts!  You
          want us to change course?
Mewtwo:  Hell yeah!  Let's go!
Pikachu:  (watching Jenny and Joy)  Uhh...what?  Huh?
Mewtwo:  Stop watching the sluts!
Pikachu:  Right, sorry, sir!
Mewtwo:  I'll be on the bridge in about twenty minutes, so get some
         Vulpix up there to greet me, okay?
Pikachu:  (still watching Jenny and Joy)  Yeah, sure.......
Mewtwo:  Are you listening to me, or are you watching my sluts?
Pikachu:  (isn't it obvious what he's doing?)  Yes, sir.....
Mewtwo:  Dammit, stop watching my sluts!!!

The Scene:  The Bridge

(Brock is jerking off to a video of Mewtwo's sluts, Pikachu is fucking
his own sluts, and Ash is trying to get the fourteen Vulpix on the 
bridge to stop 'looking' at him.  Bob is watching a couple of Vulpix
lick each other and fucking his own Vulpix.)

Pikachu:  I tell ya, there's something wrong with that kid.
Bob:  Tell me about it.
Ash:  But....umm....they're....LOOKING at me!!!
Pikachu:  Will you just fuck something, you horny idiot?!

(Mewtwo walks onto the bridge, then Jenny leads Joy behind him, still 
in handcuffs)

Mewtwo:  So, where's the sluts?
Charmander:  On the planet, sir.  There's a small house somewhere in
                the middle of a big plain, and it's got slut lifesigns
                all over it.
Mewtwo:  Excellent!  Let's go get Abra!

The Scene:  Level 14, the Abra room

(Mewtwo, Jenny, Joy, Bob, Pikachu, Ash, and Brock walk into the Abra
room.  Misty and Abra are, of course, fucking all over the room.)

Mewtwo:  Hey, Abra, knock it off for a minute and get over here!
Abra:  Huh?  Oh, sorry, be right over, sir!
Misty:  What the?!  Get the fuck back here and fuck me!!!
Abra:  Sorry, bitc...umm, ma'am, but that guy's an admiral, and he 
        could kill me, so I gotta go.
Misty:  Fine, but hurry back!
Abra:  Whatever.  (walks over to Mewtwo)  Whatdya need, chief?
Mewtwo:  I need you to...

(suddenly, Yuffie runs into the room)

Yuffie:  *huff, puff*  You're not going without me!
Pikachu:  What the...?!  Get the hell out of here!
Yuffie:  I'm going, and you're not gonna stop me!
Mewtwo:  Why the hell do you want to go, anyway?
Yuffie:  Umm....there might be materia down there!
Mewtwo:  Okay, you can come, on one condition.
Yuffie:  Name it.
Mewtwo:  Join my private club, the 'Mewtwo's Super Sluts Brigade!'

(moderately stunned silence)

Yuffie:  Umm.......................sure.
Abra:  Okay, fine, I don't care, let's just get going so I can get the
        hell back!!!
Misty:  I'll be waiting! (spreads her pussy with her fingers)
Abra:  (very eager)  LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pikachu:  (whispering to Mewtwo)  Sir, is that a real club?
Mewtwo:  Only when I'm horny.
Pikachu:  Can I join?
Mewtwo:  What?!  No!!!
Pikachu:  Ah, come on, I wanna fuck a human!
Abra:  (getting really horny)  COME ON, LET'S GO, PEOPLE!!!!

(They all teleport down to the planet, and Misty starts fingering 
herself.  Suddenly, the Taco Bell dog runs in)

Taco Bell Dog:  Yo queiro PUSSY!!!
Misty:  Fuck you!!!  (pulls out a rocket launcher and blows that little
                        spanish rat to high heaven.)

The Scene:  The Planet's Surface

(The whole place is practically a wasteland, with nothing around for
miles.  About the only landmark is a big rock that looks suspiciously
like an onion.)

Abra:  I'm going back to the ship.  You guys want out of here, just
        send me a message.
Mewtwo:  Right.

(Abra teleports back to the ship)

Mewtwo:  (looks around)  Hey, where's all the sluts?
Pikachu:  Beats me.  I thought they were here.  Hey, Charmander, 
          where's the sluts?
Charmander:  Well, according to the readings I took from orbit, they're
                all in or around this house about five miles from here.
Bob:  Sounds great, but where is it?

(They all look around, but other than the onion rock, there's nothing
else around.)

Mewtwo:  So how do we know which direction to go?

(Suddenly...)

Announcer:  It's Loud Kiddington and his dog Fetch!

Kid Chorus:  (singing) If you need an onion guide, call on Loud!
Loud:  Of all my little onions, I'm so proud!
Kid Chorus:  (singing) If you need a veggie with appeal {a peel}
Loud:  I'll make you such a deal!
Kid Chorus:  Call on Loud, call on Loud, call on Loud!

(Kid Chorus leaves)

Loud:  (somewhat quietly) Howdy, fellow horny people!  Loud Kiddington 
        here, and if I can't make you a deal, my dog Fetch here will 
        eat a big pile of Pidgey plop!
Fetch:  Say what?!
Loud:  My vegetable guides are the best around!  You need to get 
        somewhere, they can get you there!
Fetch:  You eat the Pidgey plop!
Loud:  Shut up, we'll discuss this later! (to Mewtwo)  So, where do 
        you need to go?
Mewtwo:  Well, we need to get to this shack that's about five miles
         from here, but we don't know which direction it's in.
Loud:  (normal voice)  NO PROBLEM!
Pikachu:  Damn, that's one loud kid!
Loud:  HEY, PECO!

(Peco walks in)

Peco:  Peco, peco peco!
Mewtwo:  Cool!  If he doesn't work out, we can eat him!
Loud:  SORRY, NO EATING THE GUIDES!
Bob:  Ah, damn, and I was so looking forward to a patty melt.
Peco:  Peco?
Loud:  JUST SIGN HERE! (holds out some papers, and Mewtwo signs them)
        THANKS VERY MUCH!

(Loud leaves)

Mewtwo:  So, Peco, can you find the house?
Peco:  Peco, peco peco!
Bob:  Can you understand this son of a radish?
Mewtwo:  Nope!  Hey, Joy, translate this for me.
Joy:  Yes, my white knight.
Ash:  Gee, I wish I had someone to call me that...
Mewtwo:  Get your own Joy, asshole.  (to Joy) So, what's he saying?
Peco:  Peco, peco!
Joy:  He says it's in that direction! (points to the west)
Mewtwo:  Okay, let's go!

The Scene:  The Plain, sometime later

Mewtwo:  Damn, I'm horny!  Too bad there isn't a slut that could fuck
         you while you walk.  (looks at Yuffie)  How about it?
Yuffie:  What?!?!  No fucking way!
Mewtwo:  Don't say no so soon, I have ways of making you cum!

(Again, suddenly...)

Announcer:  It's the Poetry Man!

Poetry Man:     Ash and Misty sittin' in a tree
                f-u-c-k-i-n-g!
                First cums Misty,
                then cums Ash
                then comes Team Rocket to sell 'em both for cash!

(the Poetry Man leaves.  By the way, that guy might become a semi-
regular cast member, since I'm not exactly a poet, but I might be able
to write in a few poems in the next few episodes.)

Charmander:  What the hell was that?
Yuffie:  I think I saw him in a dream somewhere...

The Scene:  The House in the Middle of Nowhere, two hours later

(The house is actually a small cottage.  There are about a hundred or
so Vulpix in the front yard.)

Brock:  Finally!
Pikachu:  Damn, look at all the sluts!
Charmander:  I wonder who lives here...
Ash:  Who cares, I'm horny!!!

(Ash runs up to one of the Vulpix, then sticks his cock in its mouth.
About three seconds later, he pulls it out with a weird look on his
face.)

Brock:  What is it?
Pikachu:  Damn, man, you didn't cum already, did you?
Ash:  (uneasily)  Uh, no, uh...I, uh...
Bob:  What?  Spit it out, will ya?
Ash:  Ummm....I, uh....I felt an Adam's Apple.....

(Insert level of stunned silence here)

Mewtwo:  You felt...what?
Pikachu:  (snickering)  You...felt...an...Adam's...Apple...
          (breaks out laughing)  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Ash:  SHUT UP!!!!  THIS IS A VERY TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE FOR ME!!!!!!!
Pikachu:  (still laughing)  HAHAHAHA!!!!  YOU'RE A FUCKING HOMO!!!!!!
Ash:  SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!! (starts chasing Pikachu 
                                    with Misty's mallet)
Pikachu:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Mewtwo:  Damn, that's gotta be a horrifying experience.
Bob:  Yeah...good thing it didn't happen to us!
Mewtwo:  Damn straight!  (to Joy)  How about you go get fucked by that
         Vulpix?
Joy:  Yes, sir!

(Joy gets down on her hands and knees in front of the male Vulpix, but
he just turns her nose up at her.)

Mewtwo:  What the hell?
Joy:  Ohhhh, now I'm not satisfied! *sniff*
Mewtwo:  Don't cry, I'll fuck you later.
Brock:  What's going on?  Why did that Vulpix just ignore Joy?
Bob:  I don't know, but maybe we should find out who lives here.  It's
        not like these Vulpix can feed themselves.
Pikachu:  Right.  (to Brock)  Get moving, bitch!
Brock:  What?!  No fucking way!  Why should I go?!
Pikachu:  Because I said so! (shocks Brock)  Move it!!
Brock:  Alright, alright!!! (to himself)  Damn fuckhead....

(Brock walks inside the house, then comes out a few minutes later with
a weird bald guy in a tye-dyed shirt and Bermuda shorts.)

Bob:  Hey, it's Master Roshi from DBZ!!!  (that was a really lame-ass
                                           joke, wasn't it?)
Brock:  Hey, guys, this is Mr. Tuppence.  He owns this place and all
        these sluts.
Mr. Tuppence:  Welcome to my personal Utopia!  My sluts are your sluts!
Bob:  Well, that'll be great, as long as there's some females here.
Mr. Tuppence:  Sorry, all I have are males.
All:  WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!
Pikachu:  Then how do you get laid?!
Mr. Tuppence:  Like this!

(The Tup guy pulls a small remote control from his pocket and presses
a button.  Suddenly, Ash walks over to Brock and they start making out.)

All but Ash and Brock:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Pikachu:  Oh my God, I'm blind!!
Bob:  I'm gonna throw up....
Jenny:  That's so cute! (Ash and Brock, not Bob throwing up)
Mewtwo:  You're getting a little weird...
Mr. Tuppence:  Dance, puppets!  (presses another button, then Ash and
                                 Brock start taking each other's 
                                 clothes off)
Pikachu:  (holding his head)  Make the pain stop!!!!
Yuffie:  I'm not letting this guy get away with this!  This is sick and
         depraved, and it's not even a good show!
Mewtwo:  Not a.....Well, what would you call a good show?
Yuffie:  If they were sucking or fucking each other.

(Suddenly, Ash and Brock 69 each other)

Yuffie:  Now *that's* a good show!
Pikachu:  Kill me now!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yuffie:  Regardless, this guy's going down!

(Yuffie charges Tuppy with that shuriken thing, but he dodges her and
and calls his Vulpix to help him.  They all grab hold of her and drag
her into the house.  Once inside, a bunch of them hold her down and
the rest tease her by licking each other)

Mr. Tuppence:  Well, now that the ninja is out of the way, I'll have
                some fun with my new slaves!

(Tuppy-tup-tup-tup goes over to Ash and Brock and starts jerking off.
A low rumbling sound can be heard in the distance.)

Charmander:  What's that sound?

(Suddenly, a horde of walking, talking onions run across the plain.
All of a sudden, they start singing.)

Onions:  (to 'Camptown Races')  We are the onion horde, eat us, eat us!
                                We will fight the live long day, oh
                                eat us now!

                                We're gonna get eaten by somebody, it
                                might as well be you!

                                So come on now and eat us all, oh
                                eat us now!

(they run off)

Mewtwo:  Oh. My. God.  That was....exceptionally strange.
Charmander:  Ya think?!

(suddenly, one of the onions comes back and stabs Peco with a very
sharp french fry.)

Loud:  OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED PECO!!!!!!!!
Fetch:  You bastards!!!

(they leave.  The other onion suddenly runs up to the Tupp-man and 
kicks him in the groin, revealing some very small cajones.  Then it
runs off.)

Mr. Tuppence:  Owwww!!!!  Damn it, I never got treated this way on 
                Wall Market!!

Mewtwo:  Wait!  You're not Mr. Tuppence!  You're.......

(DRAMATIC MUSIC STING!!!!!!!)

All:  Don Corneo!

(Tuppety throws off the bermuda shorts, puts on some pants, then 
removes a face mask and reveals....his true identity!)

Don Corneo:  Yes, it is I, the infamous Don Corneo!
Bob:  But why?  Why lure us here just to get those two to fuck each
        other?
Don Corneo:  It's a long, sad story...(starts to tell the story)
Bob:  Oh, this is gonna be good....
Don Corneo:  After getting trounced both times when trying to find a
                good lay, I finally figured out what I knew my whole
                life:  I'm...
Mewtwo:  Yeah, yeah, you're a fucking queer, shut the hell up.

Don Corneo:  Hey, show some respect!  Why the hell do you think I go
                and talk about my sex life?

                1.  I've pretty much given up on life
                2.  I'm sure I'll win
                3.  I don't know what the hell's going on

Mewtwo:  4.  Because you're a complete idiot.
Don Corneo:  That's not a choice!
Mewtwo:  Who fucking cares?  (blasts Corneo into dust)  Let's get the
         hell out of here.
Pikachu:  I second that!

(By now, Ash and Brock are regaining their sanity, and Yuffie is 
extremely pissed and horny.  By the way, Ash and Brock don't have any
clothes on ^_^!)

Ash:  What the hell?
Brock:  Man...why do I feel like burning my lips off?
Ash:  Me too...weird.
Mewtwo:  (snickering)  I get to tell them when we get back!
Pikachu:  What?!  Why?!?!
Mewtwo:  Because I'm the admiral!
Pikachu:  Ah, damn...
Mewtwo:  Oh, don't be so down...I'll let you fuck Joy!
Pikachu:  (jumping up and down)  YIPPEE!!!

The Scene:  The Bridge

(everyone is back on the bridge, and Ash and Brock still haven't heard
the news about their little...experience.  Yuffie is riding Mewtwo, and
Pikachu is fucking Joy, just like Mewtwo promised.  Jenny is making
Joy suck on her strap-on.  Suddenly, Ash looks down, and sees 
Mr. Winky!!! (a.k.a. his cock, in case you didn't know)

Ash:  What the hell!?  (notices Brock)  WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!
Brock:  Huh?  (looks down)  AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!  Why are Ash and me naked,
        and why is there saliva drying on my cock?!
Mewtwo:  Hee hee hee....this is gonna be fun!!!

The Scene:  The Bridge, ten minutes later

(Yep, Mewtwo told them, and in great detail, too.  Brock is huddled in
a corner muttering -

Brock:  I am not gay, I am not gay.....

Ash is trying to fuck his Vulpix to reaffirm his hetero self, but she
keeps 'looking' at him.  And, of course, everyone is laughing at them.
Suddenly, Mew appears on the bridge in a flash of light.)

Mew:  Hey guys, what's happening?
Pikachu:  (very proud of himself)  I'm fucking a human!!
Mew:  I can see that.
Mewtwo:  (to Pikachu)  Hey dude, show some respect, that's my Mom!
Pikachu:  Sorry, sir!  (stops fucking and salutes Mew)  Welcome aboard,
          ma'am!  May I say you look really fucking hot today?
Mewtwo:  WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!?!?!?!?!
Mew:  Shut up, I like him!  (notices Brock)  Hey, who's the gay kid?
Brock:  I'M NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mew:  O...kay.  (sees Ash)  Who's the weird horny kid?
Bob:  That's the only kid on this ship who's only been laid twice.
Mew:  Huh?  Why?
Charmander:  He thinks his Vulpix is looking at him.  We just accept
                the fact that he's insane.
Mew:  Oh.  Maybe he just doesn't find her attractive.
Pikachu:  Why wouldn't he want to fuck her?  Vulpix are great!
Mew:  Everyone has different tastes.  Maybe he'd like a more human 
        slut.
Bob:  Yeah, that'd be great, except there's only three humans onboard
        minus the admiral's sluts, and they all hate him.
Mew:  Then we need a new human!

(Mew glows a little, then shoots a white ball of energy at Ash's 
Vulpix.  She becomes engulfed in light, like she's evolving, and 
suddenly, she turns into a half-human, half-Vulpix!  She's about as 
tall as Ash with a human body, but with red skin and covered in red 
fur.  Check out the anthromorphic pic of a Vulpix at Rasco's archive to
see what I'm talking about.  Oh yeah, she's got some big tits, about 
38C, more or less.  And yes, they're red.)

Ash:  Wow.....You're really.....HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Ash gets good and hard and jumps his slut)

(Also, I want to give credit to Command324 [that's the only name I know
him by] for the idea to make Vulpix into a half-breed.  Also, MWF was
the winner of the naming contest for the name Alysa [who Ash's slut
shall be refered to from now on]

Oh yeah, the show!  Ash is fucking Alysa and everybody is watching 
and cheering.)

Mewtwo:  I think I'm gonna like it here!
Pikachu:  Huh?  What'dya mean, sir?
Mewtwo:  I'm staying!  At least for a few days!  I've always wanted to
         get back to exploring the PokŽFrontier, and now I can do it
         with my favorite sluts!

(suddenly, Aeris walks in)

Mewtwo:  WHOA!!!!!!!  Who's that, she's hot!!
Aeris:  Hmm...you're kinda cute too...

The End!  

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I know, I really shouldn't have ended it like that, and I definitely
should've written a sex scene for Ash and Alysa, but this episode is
long enough as it is.  As for Ash and his new...playmate...I'd like to 
humbly make a request to Evan, Sky Rendar, or maybe Lunar Knight (or 
anyone else who's half-interested, really) to try writing a lemon with 
Ash and Alysa (feel free to change the name.)  It can be set in the 
U.P.S. Rapidash, or it can be set in the normal PokŽmon timeframe.  
Then again, it'd probably make more sense on the Rapidash.  Either way,
I really don't care, but I just think it'd be a really cool lemon.

Also, the anthromorphic Vulpix is at:
http://s5.sexshare.com/~agnph/thumbs/archive/poke_037.gif

Anyways, on the next:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!

Mewtwo enjoys life on the Rapidash!
Ash and his new slut do some serious fucking!!!
Misty suspects a conspiracy against her!!
Ash challenges Abra to a contest of strength, stamina, and endurance!
Brock sees a psychiatrist!!

All this and a bunch of other stuff on the next:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


The Master of Eternal Darkness,

Shadow