PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


On the last PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!  The U.P.S. Rapidash entered 
the Chaos Zone, where everything is scwewy! (that was the suckiest 
imitation of Elmer Fudd anyone ever did.)  Bob's nuke was activated
by the Zone and the crew pushed it out into space and now they can't
get away because they don't have any fuel and in three hours that nuke
is gonna go off and blow the Rapidash and everybody onboard to atoms
and now that Flareon has returned and since the vote I took ended in a
tie Yuffie and Aeris will both be returning and

[takes a deep breath]

Okay.  Anyway, there's only three hours to go until that nuke goes off,
so without further ado, the next episode of

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!

(by the way, I'll be writing in the time as the scene changes so you
have a frame of reference as to when they're all going to die.
Convenient, huh?  It'll be in military time, because it's just easier
for me that way.)


As for the guest-stars, Titman is still on the ship, so he's still a 
guest-star.  Like I said, the vote I took ended in a tie (including 
Lunar Knight's e-mail vote for Yuffie and my personal vote for Aeris) 
so both Yuffie and Aeris will be guest-starring for the next few 
episodes.  (YAY!!!)  Oh yeah, Evan, you're mentioned a few times, and
you have a line somewhere near the end.


Episode IX:  The Chaos Zone, Part II

PokŽdate:  30701.21

Location:  Inside the Chaos Zone

The Scene:  Engineering  (Finally, I start the show somewhere 
                          other than the bridge!)

Time:  21:07 (the nuke will go off at 24:00.)

(everybody's gathered in engineering, including that Flareon from 
episode five.)

Flareon:  Maybe I can help! (I thought I'd start the show how 
                                the last one ended.)
Charmander:  Huh?  How did you get here?
Flareon:  That isn't important right now.  You need to get more fuel,
          right?
Charmander:  Yeah, but how can you help?
Flareon:  I'm a chemical weapons specialist.  I think I may be able to
          find a new fuel source.
Pikachu:  Good, you do that, I'm just gonna go get laid.  Bye!

(Pikachu walks away, followed by Brock, Misty, and Abra.)

Ash:  Hey, what the hell does this ship run on, anyway?
Bob:  What every ship runs on:  Trionian crystals.  They're a natural
        energy source.  Unfortunately, we're out.
Flareon:  That doesn't mean you're stuck.  All you have to do is find
          something that gives off the same amount of energy as the
          crystals.
Bob:  Umm, that's impossible.  Not even a hundred Raichu's give off
        that much energy.
Ash:  Then we're fucked?
Bob:  Probably.
Flareon:  Not necessarily.  I've got a plan.
Titman:  Very good!  If we work together, we can escape this infernal
         place!
Flareon:  Shut up.

The Scene:  The Infirmary

Time:  21:14

Brock:  Doc, you gotta help me!  I can't live like this!
        (he's a tit, remember?)
Dr. Applby:  Well, I could probably find a cure, but I need something
                in return.
Brock:  What?
Dr. Applby:  I've entered the Weird Photography contest on Vreenak VI, 
                and I need to take pictures of a really weird freak of
                nature to win.
Brock:  So what does that have to do with.......oh, right.
Dr. Applby:  So will you do it?
Brock:  Yeah, yeah, sure.
Dr. Applby:  Umm...could you wear this? (takes out a slinky lingerie)

(obviously stunned silence.)

Brock:  WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!?
Dr. Applby:  I figure you'll look even more fucked up in this.
Brock:  No fucking way!!!  Besides, I'd never fit into that thing!
Dr. Applby:  Oh, don't worry.  I have giant-tit sizes.  I mean, you
                never know when somebody might turn into a giant tit.
Brock:  I don't even want to know how you plan for something like that.

The Scene:  The Bridge

Time:  21:17

(Pikachu's fucking his sluts, Abra's fucking Misty, and Ash walks in
with a hard-on and no pants.)

Misty:  What the hell?!
Ash:  What?
Abra:  You don't have any pants on, hormone boy!
Ash:  Huh? (looks down)  WHAT THE...?!?!?!
Misty:  What'd you do, set off another nuke and almost kill a lemon
        salesman?

(Bob walks in)

Bob:  Whoa!  What happened to you, kid?  Fuck a Kangaskhan again?
Ash:  Dammit, no!!!  I met some guy on the way to the bridge wearing a
        diaper, and he said he wished he had my pants.
Bob:  Uh-oh, I was afraid of this.  We're in one of the Literal areas
        of the Zone.
Ash:  The what?
Bob:  It's a place where anything we say happens.  I don't know how or
        why, but it can get a little strange.
Misty:  You mean...anything we say comes true?
Bob:  Yeah, but not anything too big, so don't think you can just wish 
        for the Rapidash to be out of here.
Misty:  Whatever.  (moans loudly.)
Ash:  Dammit, I wish you wouldn't fuck so much!

(Misty's pussy disappears, unfortunately, Abra was inside her at the 
time.  So, he's stuck.  That's weird enough, ain't it?)

Abra:  Huh?  AAAAAHH!!!  I'm stuck!
Misty:  Wow, that feels weird............WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!!!!!  Ash
        Ketchum, I'm gonna chop your dick off!!!!!

(And Ash's cock is going bye-bye now.  Basically it just vanishes into
thin air.)

Ash:  NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Misty:  Hee hee hee....that was fun!!!
Abra:  Hmm...now all we need is a couple of human sluts licking each
        other...

(Yuffie and Aeris appear on the captain's chair, licking each other's
pussies!  Don't you just love the Chaos Zone?)

Abra:  WHOA!!!!!!!  Gotta love that Chaos Zone!!!
Pikachu:  Not that I'm not enjoying this, but 
          GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CHAIR!!!!!!

(Aeris and Yuffie move to the front of the bridge)

(suddenly, a guy that looks like Ghandi wearing Ash's pants walks onto 
the bridge holding a brick of cheese)

Ghandi-like Guy:  Behold the power of cheese!

(He sticks a finger in it, then his head blows up)

Bob:  This place is getting really fucked up........

(If you haven't guessed it yet, that whole thing wass just a lame 
attempt to get a few laughs.  I'm just praying it works.)

The Scene:  The Infirmary

Time:  21:32

(Brock is wearing a blue satin lingerie which covers everything except
the nipple.  Dr. Applby is setting up his camera.)

Dr. Applby:  Okay, now can you purse your lips?
Brock:  What?!?!?!

(I'm not even gonna write what happens next.
Trust me, you'll thank me later.)

The Scene:  Engineering

Time:  21:53

Ash runs in, being chased by Misty with a big-ass mallet.  Abra's still
got his dick stuck between her legs, so he's being dragged across the 
floor.  Unfortunately, it isn't slowing Misty down.

Misty:  GIVE ME BACK MY PUSSY, YOU DICK!!!
Ash:  Give me back my cock first, bitch!!!
Abra:  Somebody just get my cock out of her!!!  She's killing me!!!

(they run out)

Charmander:  I really think we should get the hell out of here.  This
                place is really getting weird.
Flareon:  Damn straight.

(Bob walks in)

Bob:  Any ideas yet?
Charmander:  Some theories, but we don't even have the materials to 
                try them out.
Bob:  Bummer.
Flareon:  How's the crew doing?
Bob:  Well, the captain is having a six-way between himself, his sluts,
        and Aeris and Yuffie, so he's *very* happy right now.
Charmander:  How about the rest of the crew?
Bob:  Most of them are having one last fuck.  The others are praying to
        Bill Clinton to save them.
Charmander:  Figures.  They all give up on us before we have a chance
                to save them.
Bob:  You gotta admit, it doesn't look too good.

(Ash sneaks in, but Misty isn't around)

Ash:  Thank god I got away from that bitch.
Flareon:  What'd you do to her, anyway?
Bob:  He took away her pussy.
Charmander:  I'm not even gonna ask.
Ash:  Good.  (suddenly, he sprouts another dick)  Okay, that was a good
        thing, but it's getting a little strange now.  (looks around)
        What's going on?
Flareon:  We're still trying to find an alternate fuel source.
Bob:  You know, if we hadn't launched my nuke, I think we could've used
        the nuclear material to power the ship.
Flareon:  Yeah...all we need, really, is something at least partially
          explosive.
Ash:  Explosive?  Hmm... (walks away)

The Scene:  The Bridge

Time:  21:55

Ash walks onto the bridge, watches Pikachu, Aeris, and Yuffie for a few
minutes, then picks up the cheese that Ghandi character dropped, puts
his pants back on, then leaves.)

The Scene:  Engineering

Time:  22:03

(Ash walks in carrying the cheese.  His pants are on, but his fly is
down, so his cock is sticking out.

Ash:  Could we use this?
Bob:  (glances at his cock) Actually, I think you could get the most 
        use out of that thing.
Ash:  Huh?  (looks down)  AAH!!!  (zips up)  No, this! (holds out 
        the cheese)
Charmander:  It's a brick of cheese.
Titman:  Indeed, it is!
Ash:  Shut up.  (to Charmander)  I saw this thing blow up a guy's head.
        Maybe it has a secret ingredient.
Titman:  It would stand to reason, yes.
Charmander:  I guess.  (to Ash)  Okay, let's see what's in this thing.

He takes the cheese from Ash, then sticks it in the replicator
(Yes, I blatantly stole that from Star Trek.)

Charmander:  Computer, analyze.
Computer:  Substance is made of pasturized milk, artificial ingredients
           and plutonium.
All:  PLUTONIUM?!?!?!?!
Computer:  Affirmative.
Charmander:  Computer, how was this substance made?
Computer:  Substance was ordered from quarters 1209.
Charmander:  Specify food request.
Computer:  Civilian Ghandi LXXII requested 'cheese with an extra kick.'
Bob:  With that wording, I'm surprised the guy didn't get a swift kick
        in the ass.
Charmander:  He did.  See?  (pulls a rubber foot out of the cheese)
Ash:  Wow.  This is getting freaky.
Flareon:  Wait, this is perfect!
Bob:  What's perfect?  We're all going to die in less than two hours
        and we're talking about a brick of cheese with a foot in it!
Titman:  Not exactly the best topic of conversation, but...
Flareon:  We can use the plutonium in the cheese to power the engines
          for a short burst that can, hopefully, get us out of the
          Zone before that nuke outside goes off!
Charmander:  Hmm...That's a great idea!  I think it just might work!
Flareon:  Thanks.  Okay, it'll take a little while to extract the 
          plutonium from the cheese and modify the engines to accept it
          as a power source.
Bob:  How long?
Flareon:  Maybe forty minutes, max.
Bob:  Geez...cut it a little closer, why don't you?  (screams)  AAAHH!!
Ash:  What?
Bob:  (looks down his pants)  Ah, fuck, I just got circumsized!!!
Ash:  Eeeww...
Titman:  That was a tad more than we needed to know, my boy.

The Scene:  The Bridge

Time:  22:08

(Pikachu, his sluts, Aeris, and Yuffie are still fucking.)

Pikachu:  I really, REALLY love the Chaos Zone!!!

(Charmander walks in)

Charmander:  Don't mind me, I'm just doing my job.  (steps over them)
                (sits down at his station)  Computer, transfer primary
                engineering controls to bridge station B.
Computer:  *beep*  Affirmative.
Charmander:  Activate...

(Suddenly, Jeff Foxworthy runs onto the bridge)

Jeff:  You might be a redneck if you go hunting for deer with nothing
        but a Buick.  (runs away)
Charmander:  Computer, seal off the bridge to anyone other than 
                authorized personnel.
Computer:  Affirmative.
Charmander:  Activate molecular transference program.
Computer:  Affirmative.
Charmander: Estimated time till the engines can be brought back online?
Computer:  Estimated time is thirty-two minutes, forty-seven seconds.
Charmander:  Geez, cut it a little....oops.  *sigh*  I guess all we can
                do now is wait.

The Scene:  Engineering

Time:  22:38

(Misty walks in with Abra *still* stuck in her crotch)

Abra:  (groaning)  Ooohhhhh....I think I just saw every single inch
        of carpet on this ship.
Misty:  Oh, shut up!
Charmander:  Just two more minutes.
Ash:  How long is that?
Bob:  Two-hundred and forty-thousand seconds.
Ash:  What?!
Bob:  Damn, the Zone must be affecting my spech...speech!
Flareon:  No kidding.
Bob:  Well, at least Jack and Jill didn't fuck up the hill and piss in
        the bucket of water.
Charmander:  What?
Bob:  I'm just saying, at least Little Boy Blue didn't blow his cows
        at home and stick his horn up their ass.
Misty:  You're not making any sense.
Bob: Damn it!  I'm gonna crack Jimmy's corn and make him take Medicare!
Charmander:  Just stop talking.
Bob:  Fine.....
Computer:  Molecular transference complete.
Charmander:  Yes!  Okay, computer, transfer plutonium to engines and 
                lay in a course out of the Zone as fast as possible!
Computer:  Affirmative.

(the engines kick in and the Rapidash starts moving, then it stops
suddenly)

Flareon:  What the?
Titman:  Is there a problem?
Bob:  Jack-off the Quick jumped over the candlestick then stuck it up
        his ass and fucked Peter Pumpkin.
Charmander:  Just shut the fuck up, okay?  Computer, why did we stop?
Computer:  The Rapidash ran out of fuel after a three-second thruster
           boost.
Charmander:  What's our current speed?
Computer:  Exactly 48 m.p.h.
Charmander:  Rate of deceleration over one hour and nineteen minutes?
Computer:  37.3947 m.p.h.
Bob:  Fuck.
Ash:  What?
Charmander:  At that rate of deceleration, we'll still be in range of
                the gravitational pull when the nuke goes off.
Ash:  .......................(freaks out)  FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Titman:  It would appear we are back to square one.

(suddenly, Kevin Costner comes in)

Costner:  If you build it...I'll sue you for plagiarism! (runs out)

Ash:  God, I really want to get out of here!
Charmander:  Well, there's nothing to do but wait.

The Scene:  The Infirmary

Time:  23:12

Dr. Applby:  Okay, now spread your legs.
Brock:  THAT'S IT, I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE!!!  (puts his clothes on)
Dr. Applby:  Fine, I guess twenty-eight rolls of film is enough.
Brock:  Look, do you have a cure for me or not?!
Dr. Applby:  Umm....no.
Brock:  (silence).......................(screaming)  WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Dr. Applby:  Well, I never had anybody turn into a giant tit before.
                Actually, there's never been a documented case, so
                there's never been any need for a cure.
Brock:  You....took pictures of me.....as a tit.....for some stupid
        contest....and.....you can't even cure me?!?!?!?!?!?!
        (freaks out and pulls out a rocket launcher)  
        I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU SICK FUCK!!!!!!!!
Dr. Applby:  Whoa!!!  (runs away and Brock chases him)

The Scene:  Engineering

Time:  23:41

Charmander:  *sigh*  I guess we've done all we can.

(suddenly...)

Announcer:  It's...the Poetry Man!
Ash:  What the?
Poetry Man:     If George Hamilton comes to town
                pissing on a pony
                fucked it's ass and sucked it's cock
                then I'm gonna kill that phony!

(the Poetry Man leaves)

Bob:  I wish that nuke would blow up and kill us already.

(Aeris runs in being chased by Pikachu)

Aeris:  Get the fuck away from me, rodent!
Pikachu:  Come back here, you green-eyed slut!!!
Charmander:  What's going on?
Aeris:  Just because I fucked him under the Zone's influence, he thinks
        I should fuck him all the time, but I hate rodents!
Pikachu:  You'll learn to love me!  All night long!
Aeris:  Go away!  (blasts him with a Fire 3 spell)
Ash:  What does it matter?  We're gonna die in...
Bob:  Nineteen minutes.
Ash:  Right, so who the fuck cares?
Aeris:  Huh?  Why are we going to die?
Flareon:  What?  You mean you haven't heard?
Aeris:  Haven't heard what?  I've been in an orgy for the last two and
        a half hours, I haven't heard anything except screams and 
        moans.
Charmander:  We pushed a nuke out the airlock, and now we don't have 
                enough speed to get out of it's way.
Aeris:  Oh, is that all?
Ash:  IS THAT ALL?!?!?!  WE'RE GONNA DIE, THAT'S ALL!!!!!!!!!
Aeris:  Not necessarily.  Watch this.

(Aeris takes a green materia orb out of her staff, then places it on a
computer console.)

Aeris:  Computer, Haste!
Computer:  Affirmative.

(the Rapidash's engines power up, then the ship zooms away)

Aeris:  Gotta love that Time materia!!
Charmander:  Huh?  What the?  Computer, current speed.
Computer:  Current speed is 1639 m.p.h.
Charmander:  Time till we get out of the Zone?
Computer:  Fifteen minutes.
Charmander:  Current time?
Computer:  23:44 hours.
Ash:  Huh?  Does that mean.....
Charmander:  YES!!!!!!  WE'RE OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!
All:  YAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Titman:  My work here is done!  (leaves in the titmobile)

The Scene:  The Nuke

Time:  23:59 and 50 seconds

Taco Bell Dog:  Yo queiro pussy!!!
Niedermier Bitchhead:  You said it, buddy.
Nuke:  This nuke will now detonate.  Thank you, and have a nice day.
Taco Bell Dog:  (fading)  Yo queiro biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!!!!!!!!!!!

(*boom*)

The Scene:  The Bridge

Time:  (doesn't matter now, duh!)

(everybody's celebrating with champagne and sluts!  By the way, once
they left the Zone, everything went back to normal, including Brock 
turning back into a human, and Misty's pussy reappearing.  Cool, huh?)

Misty:  Finally, I can fuck again!
Abra:  So can I!  Woohoo!!!  (they start fucking)

(suddenly, the Taco Bell dog runs onto the bridge with a hard-on)

Taco Bell Dog:  Yo queiro pussy!!!
Misty:  What the hell?!  We killed you!!!
Taco Bell Dog:  Yo queiro clone, bitch!  Now bend over and prepare to 
                meet the Spanish Inquisition!
Misty:  Then that means I can kill you again!!! (pulls out mallet)
        Die, shithead!!!!!!!  (chases him)
Taco Bell Dog:  Yo queiro loca!!!

The Scene:  Bob's Quarters

Vulpix:  Vulpix, vulpix!
Bob:  Yeah, it sucks not having a nuke, huh?

(suddenly, a Surfer Dude comes in with a nuke on his shoulder)

Surfer Dude:  Hey man, here's the nuke you ordered!
Bob:  Thanks!
Surfer Dude:  Now, who's gonna pay for it?
Bob:  Charge it to that crazy lemon salesman.
Evan:  Damn ye!  $$$major lawsuit$$$
Judge Judy:  You're going down, Bobby Boy!
Bob:  Oh, shit...
Titman:  Perhaps I can be of some assistance!

(dramatic music sting, then the Animaniacs start playing football with
the nuke.)

Bob:  Give that back, you fucking horny monkey kids!!!

The End!


On the next episode of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!

The Rapidash flies to unknown sectors of the galaxy!
Admiral Mewtwo visits the Rapidash!
The crew goes down to a planet filled with sluts!
Peco from BoF 3 guest-stars!
Ash and Brock make out!  (that's gotta be the most 
                          annoying teaser ever, huh?)

All this and more on the next episode of:

PokŽmon:  The Next Pikachu!


The Master of Eternal Darkness,

Shadow